i don’t write here anymore~
sorry to my followers or anyone who followed this blog, but i won’t be updating it at all anymore basically.
My body is just a frame I use to carry around spirits and wine and whine and a whole collection of good things and bad things. But I make people sad. Look at me, god damn, my body says: I used to hate myself. My eyes are my worst enemy. I keep all the things I’ve seen there and it stares back out into the world and the world retreats and hides under a blanket of dirt.
All I know is that my body holds me and feelings come and go and stay, then stay down, until they leave again, like the weather. Fickle, fleeting, transient, untouchable. I’m there, but not here. I’m stupid to the outside world aren’t I?
My friend is having a mild panic attack about what happened to her last night. Drinking, smoking, partying, etc etc. The usual for this shiteous fucking town. She told me, “I was at so and so’s party. Everyone in the world was there.” I laughed. Dekalb isnt the whole fucking world. I told her. “No, not everyone in the world. Everyone in Dekalb.” I fucking hate this small town fucking mentality, it does nothing for me. Everyone here is bored and tired. I can’t wait to leave, I don’t even care about keeping it to myself. I can’t wait to leave. I have nothing to prove to these people. I don’t live my life for this town, I live it all for me.
